If you’ve ever tried to have a “quick chat” with your teenager about online safety – only to be met with the classic combo of eye-roll, sofa-flop and the immortal words “Muuuuum, I KNOW” – then this one’s for you. London Mums headed over to Snap’s seriously impressive offices (honestly, even the lifts look cooler than anything in my house) for a breakfast briefing with media experts, teen specialists, and the minds behind one of the most-used platforms by UK teens. There was coffee, croissants, and a lot of reassuring nodding from parents who are clearly all winging it together.
The Big Reveal: We Know the Safety Tools Exist… We’re Just Not Using Them
Snapchat’s latest research dropped a truth bomb that had parents all around the room muttering “yep, sounds about right”:
66% of UK parents know online safety tools exist, but just 32% actually use them.
Why the gap?
Because we’re knackered.
According to the study, 61% of parents struggle to get even weekly one-to-one time with their teens during the school week. Between work, homework meltdowns, and trying to find clean PE kits (spoiler: there are none), important chats often get shoved to the bottom of the to-do list.
And yet, term time is exactly when we’re stressing the most — with 36% of parents worrying more about online behaviour during school weeks than holidays.
Meet the Panel: The People Helping Us Make Sense of Teen Life Online
We heard from:
Jay Thomas, Snap’s Head of Business, who knows exactly how teens use the platform (spoiler: they’re not just sending photos of their foreheads).
Hazel Baker, Senior Manager for Safety & Community, who reassured us that Snap’s safety team actually sleeps less than parents.
Rachel Kelly, bestselling author of The Gift of Teenagers and mental health champion – who brilliantly explained how teens work, why they react the way they do, and how we can connect without turning into the Fun Police.
They covered everything from how Snap’s Family Centre works, to how the platform supports legal investigations into exploitation and grooming, to the many in-app safety features designed for teens and parents.
The Teen Truth: They’re Not Ignoring Us, They’re… Individuating
Yes, individuating — the developmental phase where they pull away to become independent, and we age five years every term.
Rachel reminded us that teens are not mini adults. Their brains are still developing, their emotions are big, and their tolerance for bossy parental tones is… nonexistent.
As she put it, “I’m flesh and blood too. I need to know where you are so I can sleep.”
Sometimes quoting Shakespeare helps. Sometimes it just gets you another eye roll.
Rachel Kelly’s ‘Three Ts’ For Actually Getting Teens to Listen
Parents scribbled these down like they were the Holy Grail:
“As parents, it’s natural to feel anxious about what teens are doing and who they are talking to when they are online. In fact, Snapchat’s research found that for over a quarter of parents (28%), online safety is the most challenging topic to discuss with their teen of all.
But the most powerful step we can take is to open up the conversation with them. When young people feel heard, trusted, and understood, they’re more likely to share their experiences in the long term, and communication and connection are the most solid foundations you can build to ensure they are safer in the digital world.”
- Start from a place of calm
It’s important not to rush into a conversation if you’re not in the right frame of mind. It’s okay to feel worried about how your teen is using technology and communicating – but remember your teenagers likely don’t share the same worries. A concerned tone that is mismatched with the way they feel is likely to lead to disengagement. Take a breath and keep the discussions in proportion. Teens have other worries on their mind, from academic pressure to relationships, so meet them where they’re at on this subject. - Try a ‘side-to-side’ environment
Consider the setting for the conversation and where might bring out more honesty from your teen. I always recommend a ‘side-to-side’ environment – talking while sitting in the car, or on a walk, can make more sense than talking face to face, as some teenagers find it harder to look people in the eye when chatting. Snapchat’s research found two in five parents (39%) choose the comfort of the living room sofa as the setting for more sensitive conversations with their teen. Due to constant development and rapid changes to their thinking brains, teenagers can find it harder to manage the demands of conversation – including memory, attention and processing content – so opting for a setting where there is less pressure might help the defenses come down. - Bring yourself into the conversation
Conversations about staying safe online should take place within a broader discussion about teaching teens to respect and value others – including their parents. This enables you to position a need to know they’re safe as a mark of their respect to your emotions. For example, instead of saying “I need to know where you are” you could say, “I will worry if I don’t know where you are” – putting the onus on your emotions to show that it is coming from a good place. There are now lots of location-based alerts that can help support these conversations, like Snapchat’s Home Safe feature, which works through Snap Maps to share an automatic alert when your teen arrives home. - Consider the five minute chat approach
Snapchat’s research found that during the average school day, a quarter (23%) of parents spend less than an hour of one-on-one time with their teen a day. But even short conversations can be meaningful. One approach you might try is the ‘five-minute chat’ – positioning potentially sensitive conversations as a short, time-limited interaction could avoid any blocking from your teen. For example, you might ask, “Do you have time for a five-minute chat about your online life?” Over time, these small, low-pressure conversations can really build into an ongoing dialogue that keeps you in the loop, even if little and often. - Take an interest in their digital life
Lean into why spending time online interests your teen. Show your curiosity about the music they are listening to, the videos they watch, the creators they admire and the friends they’re connecting with. This can create a building block of shared connection which fosters intimacy between you, and in turn put you in better stead when it comes to having a conversation about using content controls or online safety tools. With half (52%) of parents feeling pressure to keep up with the platforms their teens are using and how they work, something like Snapchat’s Family Centre can be helpful – as it involves having your own Snapchat account. And by inviting your teen to Family Centre, you can see who they are communicating with, without showing the contents of these conversations.
Monica Costa founded London Mums in September 2006 after her son Diego’s birth together with a group of mothers who felt the need of meeting up regularly to share the challenges and joys of motherhood in metropolitan and multicultural London. London Mums is the FREE and independent peer support group for mums and mumpreneurs based in London https://www.londonmumsmagazine.com and you can connect on Twitter @londonmums
