Christmas is often painted as a time of warmth, closeness and celebration – a season overflowing with matching pyjamas, twinkly lights, mulled wine and picture-perfect family moments. But for many mums in London, the end of the year can feel far more complicated. When you’re grieving a loved one, navigating a breakup, or adjusting to life after divorce, December’s festive glow can amplify the ache rather than soften it.
If you’re facing the holidays with a heavy heart this year, you’re not alone. We asked mums across the city to share how they have coped with loneliness during the season, and what helped them find tiny pockets of peace in the middle of it all.
Let Yourself Feel — Without Apology
One mum from Kingston admitted that she spent her first Christmas after divorce hiding in the pantry with a mince pie, sobbing quietly while her children played in the lounge.
“I kept telling myself I had to be Christmas Cheer Mum for everyone else,” she said. “But the truth was, the pressure made everything worse. When I finally allowed myself to cry, even just for a few minutes, the rest of the day became easier.”
Her advice?
“Take the moment you need. You don’t have to perform happiness just because it’s December.”
Whether it’s grief, disappointment, or simple exhaustion, giving yourself permission to feel what you feel is a form of emotional self-defence – and it’s the first step towards easing the pressure.
Create New Rituals — Even Small Ones Matter
After losing her mother last year, one Bermondsey mum found Christmas unbearable at first: “Every decoration I touched felt like a memory.” So she did something different – she created a new ritual.
“I started lighting a candle for her every morning in December. It was such a tiny act, but it grounded me.”
Small new traditions can be gentle bridges from the past into the present:
• A quiet walk while the city is still asleep
• A new Christmas film with your little ones
• Breakfast in bed on Christmas Eve
• Writing one thing you’re grateful for each day.
Rituals don’t need to be elaborate; they simply need to be yours.
Choose Connection Over Perfection
Heartbreak can make you want to retreat into your duvet and not emerge until January. And while solitude can be soothing, too much of it can deepen the ache.
A mum from Ealing told us, “I used to dread festive gatherings because everyone else seemed so coupled-up and stable. One year I skipped everything. The next year I said yes to one small thing — a hot chocolate in the park with a friend. That one hour saved my whole week.”
You don’t need to attend every party or say yes to every invitation. But allowing one or two simple connections — a walk, a phone call, a shared takeaway — can gently lift you out of isolation.
Set Boundaries with Confidence
If you’re co-parenting, navigating family politics, or simply feeling overwhelmed, boundaries are essential.
A mum in Islington shared, “My biggest lesson after divorce was learning to protect my peace. Christmas used to be about pleasing everyone else. Now I prioritise what feels stable and calm for myself and my kids.”
It might mean:
• Limiting time with relatives who drain you
• Saying no to hosting
• Creating a quieter Christmas Day
• Scheduling downtime without guilt.
Boundaries aren’t barriers – they’re acts of self-respect.
Find Moments of Joy Without Forcing Them
Joy may not appear in the sweeping, cinematic way it used to. But it can turn up in smaller, quieter corners: the warmth of a good coat on a freezing morning, a child’s giggle, the glow of the Christmas lights on Oxford Street, a song that makes you feel held rather than hollow.
One mum described joy as “tiny, like sparks instead of fireworks – but sparks still warm you.”
Let joy come to you in its own time.
You Are Not Falling Behind — You Are Healing
Christmas is not a race to be the happiest, the most together, or the most glittery. It’s just a season — one that can be tender, triggering, or unexpectedly peaceful.
If you’re grieving or going through heartbreak this year, remember:
You’re not failing at Christmas.
You’re human, and you’re healing.
And as so many London mums told us, healing rarely looks magical in the moment – but somehow, each December becomes a little lighter than the last.
From all of us at London Mums Magazine: however you spend the season, may it bring you at least one moment of warmth, one breath of calm, and the knowledge that you’re not walking it alone.
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Monica Costa founded London Mums in September 2006 after her son Diego’s birth together with a group of mothers who felt the need of meeting up regularly to share the challenges and joys of motherhood in metropolitan and multicultural London. London Mums is the FREE and independent peer support group for mums and mumpreneurs based in London https://www.londonmumsmagazine.com and you can connect on Twitter @londonmums
