Money has always been something of a taboo subject. It’s difficult enough talking to family about finances, let alone colleagues about salaries. The most surprising thing about this very British preoccupation is how it impacts personal relations; we’re reluctant to open up about money, even when we share a bed and a kitchen with a loving partner.
Research shows that financial disagreements are at the heart of most relationship issues, and a key factor in the breakdown of even the most solid of relationships. Nonetheless, many couples are disinclined to bite the bullet until a crisis occurs, and the discussion of bank balances is a non-negotiable. Money remains difficult to talk about, but it doesn’t have to be the elephant in the room. You can protect your bond with your by addressing these difficult topics early on, turning financial planning into a tool for mutual growth rather than a source of stress. But how do you do that?
Schedule a Financial Date
The term ‘financial date’ may rightfully earn a snort or two from those reading this – but it is a great tool for breaking into a difficult topic without bringing undue weight to proceedings. Besides which, pencilling in time to talk about money specifically enables preparation on both sides; ambushing your partner with questions about debt while they cook dinner is not conducive to a healthy conversation.
Treating your pencilled-in time as a “money date” can help remove the sting of interrogation, giving you space to actually tackle the tough stuff while keeping things light and transparent, and centring the positives of your relationship the whole time.
Practice Full Financial Transparency
The word transparency appeared there, and aptly so, the objective of discussing money is to ascertain the brutal reality of one another’s financial situation, and the practical reality of combining your resources for your future. After all, you don’t talk about money unless you’re serious about other life goals – be they homeownership, building a family or more.
In order to start your life together on the right foot, you need the honest truth, on both sides. Secrecy regarding credit card debt or hidden savings creates a foundation of mistrust, that eventually erodes your relationship. Sharing bank statements, credit scores, and long-term financial obligations means you can build a realistic budget that accounts for every pound, ensuring neither of you feels blindsided by an unexpected bill.
Define a Fair Contribution Model
Using this information, it is possible for you to build an equitable model for how to proceed. Where there may be discrepancies in the amount of money you’re bringing home, a 50/50 split may no longer be appropriate for household costs. You might choose a proportional model where each person contributes a percentage of their salary to a joint account for shared bills – an approach that ensures both partners retain some personal “fun money” for individual hobbies, maintaining a sense of independence within the partnership.
Formalise Your Agreements
The difficulty with money talks is that informal promises are not foolproof. We are human, after all. Where major investments are concerned, it is best to hedge against worst-case scenarios like the end of a relationship, or an unexpected bereavement; this is where family law solicitors can be useful, for drafting a cohabitation agreement or a pre-nuptial contract that clearly defines who owns which assets. These documents act as an insurance policy, providing peace of mind so you can focus on enjoying your life together without worrying about “what if” scenarios.
Monica Costa founded London Mums in September 2006 after her son Diego’s birth together with a group of mothers who felt the need of meeting up regularly to share the challenges and joys of motherhood in metropolitan and multicultural London. London Mums is the FREE and independent peer support group for mums and mumpreneurs based in London https://www.londonmumsmagazine.com and you can connect on Twitter @londonmums
